comeuppance

i did a lot of reflection with respect to the unfortunate situation of my hair participating in a mass exodus due to stress, chemicals, and months of food preservatives.

i know why it’s happening.  it’s because i’ve always been mean to people with unfortunate hair.  and especially mean to people who have had the same haircut since high school.  and then even meaner to people who not only have the same haircut but that haircut is unfortunate.  and then finally the meanest of all to people who THINK that they have nice hair when the impartial judge of my own people-hating mind knows for a fact that their hair is awful.

bad hair is inexcusable in this day and age.  we have a lot of weapons in our arsenals to make our hair look nice.  and if people do not understand how to use them properly then they need to question their life choices and start applying more brain and willpower toward understanding how to make hair look nice.

do i always have great hair?  of course not.  do i realize when my hair is atrocious?  absolutely.  and you know what i do?  I WEAR A HAT.  so that the rest of the world does not have to suffer the sight of my horrendous hair.  and not a baseball cap.  god.  baseball caps are for dudes.

RIGHT.  so.  my hair is enduring pain on account of my petty vendetta against girls who have dumb hair.  and that’s fine.  i deserve it.  i do.  i just wonder what’s going to happen to me when the world starts to realize all the other things i’m mean about.  like people who tell loud jokes as if the volume of their voice will make it funnier.  OR.  people who talk about how they can’t remember names when someone introduces themselves.  why?  because i don’t even bother to listen to people’s names, let alone remember them.  and i never say a word about it.  no need to go blathering on about your internal struggle to commit a name to memory when that person has no desire to ever encounter you again.  WHAT?  am i being mean again?  oh look.  i now no longer have a nose.  one of my ears looks like it’s dangerously close to falling off also and i haven’t even mentioned how pointless people are who talk about where a wine comes from like they know what the soil or climate is there.  okay, okay.